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What’s the REAL Reason You Reach for Your Phone?

We pick our phones up an average of 205 times a day, but we don’t usually think about what drives us to do so. There are hundreds of reasons to check them, and all of them can seem perfectly valid in the moment. But with each instance of opening our phones, there’s usually a more subtle, underlying reason behind that urge. It’s harder to spot at first, and yet being able to identify the ‘why?’ behind the reach can put us into a state of awareness that can be enlightening.

Reasons to Pay Closer Attention

  1. Observing our smartphone use heightens our understanding of our subconscious selves, making it an empowering mindfulness technique.
  2. Understanding the underlying urge can awaken us to whether or not getting on our phones is really necessary at that very moment.
  3. Developing this awareness can turn compulsive screen use into more intentional screen use.

 

With one simple practice, we can better understand the real reasons behind that impulse to be on our phones. The first step is easy! All you have to do is attach a paper clip, sticker or key ring to your phone so that every time you pick it up, there it will be, reminding you to ask what the real need is to be on your phone right then. It will amaze you to see what’s actually lying underneath that incessant urge.

Give it a try! As you do so, you’ll likely spot patterns in yourself you didn’t know were there. You’ll not only understand yourself better, you’ll start to question what’s really best for you.

Let’s look at a few of the more obscure reasons why we want to get on our phones.

What’s Really Going On?

  • We’re not used to having nothing to do. The idea of just sitting there with our own thoughts might seem weird. What would happen? Can we be stuck with our own thoughts for half an hour when no other distractions are readily at hand? People generally find that to be more difficult now than it used to be.
  • We want to get something taken care of before we forget. Knowing how busy our minds tend to be, and in order to avoid having to think about it later, we often reach for our phones just to mentally check something off our list of things we don’t want to have to think about later.
  • We’re wanting to avoid an awkward or uncomfortable moment. Maybe we’re in a group of people we don’t know. Maybe we’re with people we know well, but can’t relate to. Or maybe it just feels awkward to be surrounded by people who are all on their phones and you’re not! Either way, it’s common to get on our phones so we don’t have to face whatever alternative is right in front of us.
  • We’re curious. We think of something–like the sports score we haven’t checked yet, the friend who said they’d send a recipe we’ve been wanting through What’sApp, or the latest news story that might explain why the flag is at half-mast. Whatever it is, with it being so easy to have the answer in an instant, reaching for our phones so often makes sense.
  • We want to feel we’re making the most of our time. Our culture emphasizes productivity. We often equate getting things done with personal worth, which is debatable. Regardless, some of us get a thrill out of knowing we’re staying ahead of ‘the game.’ We’re replying to email, checking in with a sick friend, transferring money in our bank accounts, finishing an online assignment. It’s satisfying to be able to stay in git ‘er done mode for as long as possible throughout the day.

Once you’ve taken a moment to identify your underlying motives, allowing you to more clearly see what’s making you reach for your device, it’s time to ask two follow-up questions:

  1. Do I HAVE to do this right now? Let’s say you’re driving home from a long day of work and you’re stopped at a stoplight. You reach for your phone, see the paper clip and think, “Why do I really want to check this right now?” You notice it’s because you want to take care of something before you forget. Awesome job! Way to be aware of what’s really going on behind the scenes in your mind.
  2. What do I have to lose by being on my phone in this moment? The light turns green.  You’re only partway through with that text you wanted to send your neighbor who asked if you could watch their dogs this weekend. As you pause to ask what you have to lose if you’re on your phone right then, traffic starts moving forward and you realize you don’t want to risk having an accident to take care of this right now. It wouldn’t be worth it. So you set it down and focus on getting home safely.

These two follow-up questions have a lot of power! What if you made them your screen saver? Type them out so they’re the first thing you see when your phone lights up. It can be instructive to analyze whether your relationship with your phone is a constructive one, or if it’s interfering with the activities and balance you value most in life.

Conclusion

The ease with which we can reach for our smartphones is one thing. Whether or not it’s really worth the attention we give them as we sink time into doing whatever we wanted to do is another. Being able to recognize the difference and knowing what truly has worth to us in the moment is the beginning of self-understanding. 

You’ve got one brief life to live. What are you doing with it?

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